Lumalabas ang natural kapag senglot na!

BANAT – Pete Ampoloquio, Jr.

Hahahahahahahahahaha! Ang siyete, schizophrenic beauty raw ang arrive ng flawless pero tattoed sexy actress na ‘to na legendary ang penchant for men and night life so to speak.

Not necessarily in that order though. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, she couldn’t care less if she has an early taping the following day. Her addiction to night life seems to have been of great importance.

Of great importance raw talaga, o! Harharharharhar!

No wonder, her co-actors are looking at her with amusement written all over their faces since her bags are too pronounced and her over-all countenance looking every bit wasted.

Wasted daw talaga, o! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, pagdating daw nito sa kanyang fave bar, walang binatbat ang eloquence nina KC Concepcion at Heart Evangelista dahil she speaks English with a Brittish accent since she deludes herself with the false belief that she’s the local counterpart of the American heiress Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton daw talaga, o! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Pag-upong-pag-upo raw ng noselifted (pero ayaw umamin… Hakhakhakhakhakhak!) na girlash ay rerepeke raw kaagad ang sandamakmak na Ingles sa kanyang heavily painted red lips. Hahahahahahaha!

“My favorite drink please and make it double,” would usually be her opening statement replete with all the feigned sophistication in the world. Hahahahahahahahaha!

After that, mega nosebleed na raw ang mga waiter dahil never siyang nagta-Tagalog at puro Ingles ang lumalabas sa kanyang scarlet lips. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, she’s very particular with the table arrangement, along with the drink that she’s being served with. Dapat ay sakto ang timpla at ne-ver na nagbago from time to time.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Ang kaso mo, the very moment she’s drunk, doon na lumalabas ang kanyang ka-cheap-an.

Ang pagiging laking kalye.

Laking-kalye raw talaga, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

At one point, nadulas raw sa powder room at malulutong na cuss words raw ang lumabas sa kanyang naglalagablab na mga labi. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

“Ang bababoy n’yo, letse!” she would scream at the top of her voice. “Hindi kayo marunong mag-linis ng CR kaya nadulas tuloy ako. Meron pa yatang mga sperm dito. Yuck!”

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yon nah!

Would you guys know who she is?

Ang hindi makahula, sobra namang syonga! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

EXCITED SA REUNION NILA NG KAPWA JUKEBOX QUEENS!

This coming August 31, Newport Performing Arts Theater at Resorts World Manila will once be bursting with excitement as the jukebox queens Ms. Imelda Papin, Ms. Eva Eugenio and Ms. Claire dela Fuente regale their avid followers with songs of their generation.

Common knowledge na in spite of the pre-sence of the new breed of entertainers, the awesome and formidable mass apppeal of the jukebox queens has never waned and is still very much capable of drawing in admiring crowd from all walks of life.

In a way, kaya naman nagma-materialize ang ganitong klase ng show ay dahil sa pagkumbinse ni Ms.

Claire na magsama-samang muli sila if only to rekindle the kind of excitement that only the three of them are capable of igniting.

Kaya kita-kits tayo this coming August 31 for another night of nostalgia and mind-blowing excitement courtesy of Mel, Eva and Claire.

‘Yon nah!

KABOG SA LAHAT NG ANGGULO!

Hahahahahahaha! Kung dati-rati’y mega confident ang personalidad na ‘to na malabo raw si-yang makalimutan ng kanyang ex wife, these days he seems not to be half as confident as before. Hahahahaha!

Nakarating na kasi sa kanyang may bagong involvement ang kanyang ex wife at ang bagong paparu ay talaga namang kabog siya in all departments.

Kabog daw in all departments, o! Harharharharhar!

Aware naman kasi siyang ang number one fascination sa kanya ng dati niyang karelasyon ay ang kanyang sizable equipment na talaga namang for a Filipino ay remarkable indeed.

Remarkable indeed daw, o! Harharharharhar!

Inasmuch as he really did not go to a good school and has always been a country boy by heart, his smoldering machismo happens to be a plus factor he’s always been proud of and happy about.

Proud and happy about daw, o! Hakhakhakhak-hak!

Pero iba nga ang dating ng bagong karelas-yon nang kanyang mama. Apart from being educated and man of the world to boot, he, too, happens to be a lot taller (he is reportedly dwarfed side by side with his imposing height which is six feet four inches if I’m not mistaken! Hahahahahaha!) and bigger in that department our not-so-tall guy used to be so proud about. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Kaya sa ngayon, parang natameme ang dati-rati’y oozing with braggadocio na paparu.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Pa’no na siyang makapagmamalaki sa nga-yon? Harharharharhar!

Bow na lang siya dahil panis siya in every angle.

Panis raw in every angle, o! Hahahahahahahahahaha1

‘Yon nah!

JULIE ANNE SAN JOSE, FIRST LOVE PA RIN ANG MAS MATIMBANG

Iba’t ibang field na ang nasubukan ni Julie Anne San Jose. Andyan ang singing, dancing, acting, hos- ting. Asked what suits her best, she is silent momentarily since everything she practically does is of great importance to her.

“Oh my god, ang hirap… Siguro singing. Kasi ever since I was 2 ½, singing talaga yung unang unang nasa puso ko. Doon ako unang nakitaan ng potential ni Mom para ipasok sa ganitong klaseng field. God-given talaga, tsaka I’m blessed kasi nabigyan ako ng ability or skill to sing,” asseverates Ms.Julie.

Paliwanag pa ng Buena Familia actress, “Kapag kasi kumakanta ka, kumbaga it lives. It forever will. Kasi kapag acting, bihira naman ang opportunities na pwedeng dumating sayo, or hindi mo alam kung pasok ba ‘yun sa ‘yo. Hosting din, ganun din. Kasi kapag singer ka, you can shift.”

Overwhelmed din ang Artist Center talent sa tiwala at oportunidad na binibigay sa kanya ng Kapuso Network. Tulad na lamang ng pag-ho-host, kung saan masaya siyang na-i-incorporate ang mga natututuhan niya sa pagiging isang Mass Communication major.

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at [email protected] and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong