Halos umuuga na ang dentures ma-justify lang pagkakoryente ng kanyang balita!

Pete Ampoloquio, Jr.

Harharharhar! Pinagtatawanan ng sanlibutan ang chakitang humal (chaking humal daw, o! yuck! Hahaha- hahahaha!) na si Ferminata dahil nangangaykay na at halos malaglag na ang ill-fitting dentures (ill-fitting dentures raw, o! Hahahahahahahaha!) ma-justify lang ang kanyang koryenteng balita tungkol sa supposed incarce-ration ni Ms. Rosanna Roces supposedly for drug possession.  Hakhakhakhakhakhakhakhak!

The damage is done and no amount of justification could change the fact that it was a big blow to her ugly face (ugly face raw talaga, o! Yuck! Hahahahahahahaha!) and flagging credibility as well. Harharharharharhar!

Anyway, nabukesh tuloy ang gimmick ni Fermi Chaka no’ng mid-80s na nag-i-interview sa mga ipis at butiki sa kisame ng Jingle Publications para bunuin lang ang kanyang deadline sa Jingle Sensation. Hakhakhakhakhakhak!

Honestly, hindi kayang i-deny ng matandang addicted sa anda (matandang addicted sa anda raw, o! Hahahahahahahaha!) na koryenteng ta-laga siya. Hayan at nilait-lait lang naman siya ni Osang at pinatikim ng makulay niyang lenggwahe na almost from the gutters! Harharharhar!

I can say this without an iota of fear and insecurity, you, Bubonika, happens to be the devil’s encarnate. Marami kang sinirang relasyon dahil sa sandamakmak na ESP articles na ginawa mo as Nelia Jose noong dekada otsenta.

Prove me wrong and Satan is going to have you punished. Hail nanhahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, ipinagkakalat ng perpetually ‘pregnant’ (lamonera kasi! Hakhakhakhak!) na matronang she purportedly was able to be of great help to us during those lean years of ours.

Ang kapal!

Wala ka ngang maipasweldo sa amin nina Ate Peter at Papa Abs tapos ang lakas ng loob mong magsalitang malaki ang naitulong mo sa akin?

Wake-up, ugly old woman who seems to be suffering from delusions and senility. Hahahahahahahahah!

Ako ang nagregalo sa ‘yo ng gold rings du-ring your birthdays way back during the early and mid-90s, tapos sasabihin mong naghatag ka sa akin ng datung?

In the first place, may datung ka ba?

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Halos malaglag na nga ang pustiso mo dahil sa takot nang puntahan ka ng mga lespu para hulihin sa set ng Chaka Per Minute dahil was ka pagka-pay sa kautangan mo, baliw na gurang. Hahahahahahahaha!

Hindi nga ba’t pinandidirihan ka na ng mga so-called friends mo old faggish woman because you were heavily in debt during that time by virtue of your own stupidity? Hahahahahahahahaha!

Naalala mo pa ba, lola, kung paanong nagti-timpla tayo ng iced-tea sa ilalim ng mesa ng Cowboy Grill dahil sa kakulangan natin ng pera?

Hindi ba’t share-share tayo every time sa bill?

Sumagot ka matandang sinungaling at kung hindi, isusungalngal ko sa pagmumukha mong doble-cara ang  pustiso mong kumikiwal-kiwal sa luwag. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Bakit nga pala inilalayo mo sa totoong issue ang isinulat mo sa tabloid the other day?

Ang issue, in case you are already senile and not aware of your faux pas, ay ang  pagkakor-yente mo sa ibinalita mong paghuli ng PDEA agents kay Osang at sabi mo pa sa column mong kadalasa’y sinasalsal ang mga balita (sinasalsal daw ang mga balita, o! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Yuck!), for life na si Osang doon dahil no bail ang kanyang offense.

Klaro?

‘Yan ang sagutin mo, money-oriented na matanda.

Behave! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

ANDRE PARAS, KINUHA NA NG VIVA!

Napaka-flawless palang tunay at super fair-skinned ng anak nina Jackie Forster at Benjie Paras na si Andre Paras. Sa totoo, stand out hindi lang ang kanyang riveting good looks sa presscon ng pelikula nilang Diary ng Panget nina Yassi Pressman, Nadine Ilustre at James Reid last night sa Library Metrowalk, kundi lalo’t higit ang kanyang ala-baster skin tone and towering height.

Mukhang behave na ang bagets na aktor dahil nang tanungin sa question and answer portion ng presscon if he happened to be homophobic, his answer was a cool no!

That’s good, man!

At least you’re learning fast and from the looks of it, your PR has enormously improved too.

Anyway, Diary Ng Panget was published first online in 2011-2012 on the free literature website of Watts pad where it garnered over 12 million reads.

It was published in 2013 as a paperback series of 4 books, each instantly became #1 on the local best sellers list upon its release and stayed on top for weeks.

Directed by Andoy Ranay and penned by award-winning Mel del Rosario from 19-year-old Pinay student

Denny’s Wattpad.com hit and 2013’s bestselling paperback of the same title, Diary ng Panget is Viva films’ second attempt at revolutionizing local filmmaking via an adaptation of a huge literary favorite.

SHARON CUNETA, BALAK MAGBALIK-KAPAMILYA?

Inasmuch as her contract with the Kapatid network is still very much in effect, some quarters have intriguingly opined that megastar Sharon Cuneta has purportedly some plans of moving back to the Kapamilya network.

Well, honestly, inasmuch as she’s enormously compensated at the Kapatid network, it’s an unassailable fact that she was doing a lot better, career-wise, when she was still a part of the Kapamilya network.

Okay naman sana ang Kapatid network at all-out naman ang support nila kay Ate Shawie but we have to admit the salient fact that ABS CBN has more muscle and fan following.

Siguro nga, it would be a good move on Ate Shawie’s part to go back to her quondam network and recover some lost ground.

Kay Mega pa rin, balik-tambalan yata nila ni Richard Gomez ang next project niya sa Kapatid network kaya naman their fans are palpably super excited.

At this point siguro, kailangan lang ni Mega ang konting push para ma-realize ng kanyang huge following that she’s still very much around and very much in the running as the megastar that she’s always been.

Wala pa rin naman kasing makatatalo sa kanya kung huge following ang pag-uusapan.

Another thing, nag-iisa lang si Ate Shawie when you speak of sincerity and caring attitude to her fans.

Dapat lang!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at [email protected] and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!