Cheapangga bulungera, hina-harass ang mga politicians!

 

Hahahahahahahaha! Tindi talaga nitong si Cheapangga Harangera. Imagine, these days mga politicians pala ang kina-career niya at inio-offer talaga ang kanyang services bilang publicist, wah knowing namang mag-write at puro ghost writers ang ini-employ. Harharharharhar!

Looking back, nu’ng nabubuhay pa si Tito Nards, naikwento nito in passing how inept a writer Harangera was (still is and will always be! Hahahahahahahahaha!)

Honestly, ang puhunan lang naman ng vavalinang ito ay ang kapal nang pagmumukha at lakas ng loob.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, swak na ang andalu niya kay Cong. Roman Romulo dahil lahat ng projects nang Pasig congressman ay hawak na niya. Hahahahahaha! Ikaw na ang maging mapanira at kamkamera sa ‘career’ ng iba. Kamkamera raw sa career ng iba, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

Nevertheless, no problem. Isalpak niya sa masyoba niyang baga at makapal na pagmumukha ang lahat ng raket this side of Hollywood and I won’t even be bothered. Hahahahahahahaha!

Hada nang hada harbatera at bulong to death kina Atty. Jun Nardo, Mr. Jhun Lalin at Madam Shirley Pizarro para hindi kami maimbita sa kanilang series of presscons. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Why, the hell, should I care? Hahahahahahahaha!

As early as 1986, this demonic creature was already standing in the way of our little money-making venture. Gusto kasi niya’y siya lang at ang kanyang mga alipores ang nananariwa ang hasang at tini- tigok niya ang maliliit na biyenes na dumarating sa mga taong kanyang minamaliit at pinandidirihan.

Ang kapal!

Over sa kapalllllllllll! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Bluntly speaking, ikaw matanda ka ang nakaririmarim dahil hindi ka lumalaban nang parehas, barubal na orig na GAKA. Hahahahahahaha!

Palibhasa’y sa Sampaloc Harbatology ka nag-aral kaya bali-baliko ang Ingles mo swapang na matanda. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

‘Nga pala, why aren’t you telling Cong. Roman Romulo to pull out his ad from our Star Na Star radio show at DWIZ (It’s 882 khz in your radio dial, muchacha, and we go on the air from Monday thru Fri- day, 1:30 to 2:30 in the afternoon. Hahahahahahaha!)?

I’m sure he’s going to listen to you because he believes in your feigned integrity and tarnished credibility, along with your gross motherly concern. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Gross motherly concern daw, o! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Kasukaaaaaaaaaaah!

Tigilan mo nga ako babaeng impakta.

Babaeng impakta raw, o! Harharharharharhar!

Ikaw rin, baka kalbohin ka ni Darna.

Baka raw kalbohin ni Darna, o! Hakhakhakhahakhak!

‘Nga pala, why don’t you suggest to Cong. Romulo to have a presscon one of these days and invite Peter and I? I’m sure my bff would love to pull your hair and slap your corpulent face repeatedly.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Joke!

Katawa naman ever.

Anyway, a couple years ago prior to your cheap panghaharang, Cong. Romulo would drop by at DWIZ to invite us for lunch. Those days, he was indeed the paradigm of sweetness. Pero dahil sa paninira mong demonya ka, we lost a good friend.

Bago?

That’s how you shrewdly and ignominiously operate. Ganyan ka naman talagang Satanista ka. Kapag nakatutunog kang may mga taong sa ami’y nagtitiwala, aarangkada na kaagad ang mamad mong mga labi at sisira-siraan kami ensegueda.

Ensegueda raw, o! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ang nakapagtataka, most of the time, you’d succeed.

Kebs!

Kebs raw, o! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Alam ko namang your bad karma would come one of these days when you least expected it.

How horrifying it would feel perhaps to wake up practically catatonic and not being able to move

your whole body save your diabolical eyes. Hahahahahahahahaha!

O, siya, Lola Buruka. Good riddance. See you in your most frightening nightmare. Hahahahahahaha!

Babu, Lukresya! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

BONGGA ANG GUESTING SA ASAP NG LEGENDARY JUKEBOX QUEENS!

Kabogera ang guesting ng Legendary Jukebox Queens na sina Claire, Eva at Imelda (no surnames are needed for they’re so famous, their first name would suffice. Hahahahahahaha!) sa Jukebox Portion ng ASAP. Talaga namang kwela ang cool portion nina Ms. Claire at Marcelito Pomoy, na sinundan ng wacky tandem nina Eva at Luis Manzano at eventually, ang nakatutuwang duet nina Alex Gonzaga with matching modulation (Hahahahahahahaha! love it!) at jukebox queen Ms. Imelda.

Inasmuch as maraming jukebox personalities ang nag-guest sa ASAP, veritable stand-out talaga ang triumvirate ng jukebox divas dahil let’s admit it, iba naman talaga ang kanilang na-achieve sa music industry.

Through the years, paborito pa ring pakinggan ang walang kamatayang Sayang ni Ms. Claire, Tukso ni Ms. Eva at Bakit ni Ms. Imelda. Oo nga’t marami ring pangmasang awitin ang sa ngayo’y paborito ng masang Pinoy but it can’t be denied that these ageless belles are still unmatched when it comes to this department.

Catch them at Resorts World Manila’s Newport Performing Arts Theater on August 31.

I’m sure it’s an event you should not miss!

Musical director nga pala ng show si Butch Miraflor at special guest artist si Leonard Santos under the production of Supernova Girls Productons, Inc.

NAG-REACT ANG MISTER SA CHIKANG BINIBIGYAN NA LANG SIYA NG ALLOWANCE NG KANYANG MISIS!

Hahahahahahahahahaha! Na-shock pala ang kakakasal palang na singer/actress dahil nag-react daw ang kanyang mister sa kanyang pronouncement sa isang interview na binibigyan na lang siya ng allowance nang kanyang mister. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Palibhasa’y newly wed lang, hindi pa nila alam ang pag-uugali ng bawat isa kaya laking gulat ng mahusay na singer/actress nang mag-react in an almost violent manner ang kanyang mister sa mga chikang on allowance na lang ito sa kanya.

Sa nasabing interview, sinabi naman ng comedic actress na ini-intrega ng kanyang mister ang lahat ng kinikita nito kaya in return, binibigyan na lang niya ito ng allowance.

Mukhang hindi raw maganda ang dating noon sa mister kaya biglang kinausap ng comedic actress ang entertainment writer na i-delete na lang ang allowance chorva sa internet. Hahahahahahaha!

Akala kasi ni mama ay okay lang lahat kay papa. Ang di niya knowing, nasasagi ang male ego nito sa on allowance thing na sinabi niya. Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun nah!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at [email protected] and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

BANAT – Pete Ampoloquio, Jr.